When we experience the triggers from
challenging people or events that unexpectedly send us into such deep, reactive
pain…
… when someone has said or done
something which we have a huge painful reaction to…
… it’s so easy to forget, in the
midst of the wrenching, often suffocating or explosive pain that we ALL have a
lot of accumulated pain and stress.
And old unexpressed emotionally
blocked hurt, which lives in our body.
This old pain in us lies dormant
until someone or something comes along…
… something which is of the same
‘flavor’ or ‘frequency’ of that old accumulated hurt.
Then our interaction with them
causes the accumulated dormant pain in us to be activated.
It feels as if this person or event
has just ‘made us’ feel a huge amount of pain or stress when in actuality they
have just ‘triggered’ not ’caused’ this sensation.
They have triggered what was already
there in us, lying waiting for someone to come and re-activate it…
… therefore WE are responsible for
our reactions, even if they were unarguably ‘wrong’, the reaction in us is
still ours, not theirs.
This is a huge shift for us and our
culture that we need to get with NOW.
The person who upset us is NOT
responsible for the huge volcano of feeling we are experiencing.
The volcano was already in us,
waiting to be triggered like a time bomb.
The thing to do when this happens is
to leave the person or event that has triggered us… until we can with help or
by ourselves…
·
process the pain
·
feel it
·
love it
·
dissolve it
·
be with it
·
allow it.
Allow the volcano to settle without
blaming that triggering person, and only then… when we have responsibly
attended to our own wounds and volcano’s.
Then go back if you can… and clear
up anything that’s still left with the present day person without making them
responsible for our massive overreaction.
This takes discipline and is, to me,
the definition of maturity... and I
rarely pull it off.
The sucker punch is to blame the
person or thing that set me off.
It seems SO just at the time to make
it all about the trigger.
The pain often feels too big and
overwhelming to own.
So we live in our immaturity, in a
blame culture, condemning all sorts of people, just because we’ve never learned to sit with our pain, or be responsible for
our reactions, to process them, and to love ourselves in them.
We’ve rarely been taught these
skills, so in our ignorance and overwhelming reaction, all we feel we can do it blame and fight and control the external
trigger.
I hope we’re now moving into an age
where we can love ourselves more and step out of this never ending cycle of
pain avoidance and blame.
Let’s hold each other in it.
Let’s teach each other and our kids
the skills to be able to sit with our own pain, to be able to self soothe, to
be able to stay in the feelings without blaming and condemning others.
THIS, more than anything else, will
create the harmonious next chapter for this planet that we all crave.
No comments:
Post a Comment