Hannah Sterling... You "Take my breath Away"
It seems that there are so many articles about what to avoid in relationship...
that it only seems fair to balance the scales.
Humans are social creatures, and
intimate relationships are important aspects of life.
These are traits that I find
valuable in friendship and intimacy.
1. Being able to be authentic.
Having self-integrity and loving
oneself and the other requires authenticity and acceptance.
When you can be un-apologetically
yourself and completely natural, then the relationship is epic.
There is nothing more nurturing than
being accepted with all the shadows and light of self.
Every aspect of a relationship is
easier when being naturally oneself.
Every person is created different.
We are all unique in spirit.
The best way of relating means never
changing yourself so that another person is happy.
After all, loving a person means
accepting that person as they are with no need for them to be a different way.
If a person needs to be different, the real message is that a different
person is needed.
For in changing the spirit, the person changes and becomes inauthentic.
How can an inauthentic person be
trusted?
2. Trust.
The foundation of all relationships
is the ability to feel trusted and secure.
This takes an ability to be fully
oneself, to be strong and open in communication, to take responsibility for
personal action.
Trust resides at the feeling and
emotional level, and may wax and wane depending on authenticity and
reliability.
If a person has to prove that they are trust worthy, there is an
inherent resistance and cause for that lack of trust which can be examined.
Sometimes a lack of trust comes from insecurity within and
has nothing to do with the other person.
At other times, the other person is
deserving of having no trust because of their words, actions and behaviors.
Trusting
oneself is essential
for knowing how to trust others.
3. Communicative Communion.
Hearts remain open through words.
Being able to communicate, to be
heard and to see the other… is essential for any relationship to blossom and
endure.
In the absence of communication,
relationships suffer and eventually end.
Words
are so important that they are even
a primary love language, able to
create, nurture or destroy
relationships.
Ideally, the bonds are so powerful that communion happens,
the ability to know and understand the other without words.
This is an empathic, feeling level form of communication where the emotional and mental states of the other
can be felt and responded to.
4. Shared Values.
Humans grow up in a variety of
scenarios that creates a huge array of values.
Having similar values alleviates
conflict, because there is nothing to fight about.
You already see eye to eye. Shared
values reduces conflicts, supports security, builds trust, and ensures
longevity.
Shared
values are huge when it comes to relationship
styles and sexuality, such as being monogamous or in open-relationships.
And to know and understand shared
values, open communication must first happen.
Often times core values never change
in a person… they are integral to self-identity and personality.
If two people have different core
values, then conflict arises and compromise must happen.
And how that compromise happens can
bring growth or just add to the conflict.
5. Willing Compromise.
No two people will ever see eye to
eye in everything.
Being
able to authentically communicate
and find common ground is a trait to be cherished.
Different than harmful adjustments
that go against ones own nature, natural compromise is done with a willing joy
and causes the relationship to be stronger.
This is the ability to yield pride,
attitudes, beliefs and concepts in the service of love.
6. Laughter and light-heartedness.
Laughter makes everything better.
The person who lights up ones heart
and with whom the experience of life can be laughed at together is truly
beautiful.
Levity heals all old wounds and
gives energy for every new day.
Laughter keeps the spirit buoyant,
and can sustain the heart through all of the ups and downs in life.
7. Embracing Shadows.
Ideally life is a bed of roses, and
sometimes those roses die.
The natural course of life brings
death, trauma and painful surprises.
I have yet to meet a person who can
respond to the difficulties of life’s challenges with perfect poise and
equanimity.
The person who can stand close and
be embracing during these times is a rare gift, especially
in an age when so many people seem to only focus on being happy and remaining positive.
This level of acceptance reveals the ability for authenticity within
oneself and loving the authentic human spirit in others.
The person who abandons their loved
ones during such times reveals their own fear of reality and instability.
The ability to step closer rather
than away when grief rends the heart and shreds the mind is a sign of true love.
Relationship is what life is all
about.
Whether relating to oneself, the
environment that surrounds us or other people, everything abides in a framework
of relationship.
It’s my hope that these seven simple
concepts may reveal the positive and often unseen or overlooked aspects in
relationships that can take a relationship from effortful “working” to simple,
authentic and real.
To close, I paraphrase a description
about love…Love is not dependent on the highs
and lows of life.
It is dependent on a commitment of
will.
Love is not blown back and forth by winds of change, circumstance or environmental influences.
Love is not blown back and forth by winds of change, circumstance or environmental influences.
Even though emotions may be fickle
and jump from one extreme to another, I have chosen to love my soul mate, and that
choice is sustained by an uncompromising will.
Love is far more than an emotional,
biological high … true love is an enduring
expression of the human soul.
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