Relationships between two people are sacred

I can't begin to tell you how much I admire your courage and strength and vulnerability!

I don't even know where to begin, so I will just start with my own experience.

I have been in a very similar position as you and am more than familiar with the feelings, emotions, thoughts and process you describe.

I will share an early childhood story that has run the theme of my life in relationships...

When I was 5 years old, I witnessed my dad having an affair with a lady from his work. 

He and she locked me out of the room and I went into hysterics when I couldn't get in the door.

My dad was my hero, I went everywhere he went and I was shut out.

When we got home, I was still breathing with the occasional "choking" sound as my breath was struggling to return to normal.

My mom asked me why I was crying. Not knowing it was a "secret", I told her why.

She went into hysterics, next I heard the word "Divorce", (which immediately turned into reality).

My dad jumped ship and fled to Michigan, my mom (I wasn't her favorite person), gave me away to strangers and left town as well.

I had lost my whole world and, of course, thought it was my fault for telling my mom what happened.

For the next three years, I was severely abused and neglected. 

And, well, the story goes on.... but, what I took from that was this: Relationships between two people are sacred. Period.

I have had a slight difficulty in knowing how to navigate my relationship with --- and you.

I'm very open, as well, to different and new, but the very last thing I ever want to do is cause harm.

I love you with a love so enormous I could not have imagined, being we've never even physically met.

I love --- with a whole, pure heart, also.

I have followed his lead in navigating this and he seems to be quite clear on "how" to do that, so I've trusted him.

I also trust my knowing and it has kept me clear on where you are.

I don't have answers for this situation, but I can tell you that I will not cause harm, if it's in my power to not do that.

It's definitely none of my business how you deal with your own self and relationships, but I'd like to offer one pearl, if I can...

I have done the process of growing thru things that I later figured out that I didn't grow thru… and there was a good reason.

My changing… was NOT for my highest good and I learned that my being just how I am on some things is more than okay.

I learned that, in an exclusive relationship, it's more than okay for me to have "special needs".

It's also more than okay for them to have "special needs".

In my opinion, that's part of being honored and loved unconditionally. Just my thoughts...

Sooooo, I don't know how this will play out, but just know that I hear you, I honor you and I'm here for you! ~Anonymous