"Blending into Oneness."

Once you have mastered the experience of Blending into Oneness with your Divine Complement...

... it is much easier to blend into Oneness with your Earthly expressions of SELF.

Dear _-_-, How are you doing today?

I hope you are well and not to cold! Because I am .. it snowed.. ick! Down to the gnitty gritty...

Please know that as I write this, there is no malice, anger, ill intent or possessiveness when it comes to talking about this subject.

I am purely stating how the feelings came up, and how the emotions went with it..

So I might as well start from the beginning.

I had known _-_ and you were friends and good friends at that, he would talk about you often, and comment on how much we were alike, and I was really happy he had found another friend I like friends.. I like _-_'s friends.. so it worked!

When I saw what he had posted that day he shared your picture with one of his messages, and then the Rumi Quote that he shared on your page I was confused..

I didn't know what it meant, and didn't know you guys were anything more than friends..

I was visiting my family that night… and so didn't mention it till I got home. I climbed into bed with him still sleeping and he woke up and we talked..

I asked him if he wanted intimacy with your mind, he said yes.

I asked if he wanted intimacy with you physically, he said yes. This confused, and I will admit hurt me.. I didn't understand..

He has/had ALWAYS said he was a one woman man, and you know how woman think, why would he want someone else?

Was I not good enough any more?

Didn't he still love me, did he still want to marry me.. all the silliness that goes through an insecure woman when she finds that her man wants someone else.

Then we went through a period of time of hardcore reassurance, me doing my best to be open etc, but it was some REALLY intense stuff.

_-_ has always been the spark that ignites people.. one of his wonderful gifts.

He had ignited you, and you had ignited him right back, and I didn't want to be left behind.

We then talked again, and then you and I talked and I felt relatively ok with the whole thing.. unsure, but open (and I will get to that)

We went out of town… I sent you pictures because I wanted to be ok with it and thought if I just jumped in I would feel better.

He had also invited _-_-_-_, which was cool.. on the one hand I was REALLY happy she came along, and there was a small part of me that (because I was already super sensitive about our relationship because of all the growth that you entering our lives brought) that was again insecure..

…didn't he want to spend time alone with me?

Valid feelings, but not the best thought through..

We did what we needed to do out of town, and came home.. I was sick over new years, and so he and I didn't (because of my abusing my body aka drinking too much/alcohol poisoning) have a chance to reconnect with him before we both went back to work.

What has followed is about a week and a half of REALLY FREAKING INTENSE conversations.

Why I have felt what I have, what has come up for me, what _-_ has felt, what has come up for him.

It is an intensely annoying pattern I seem to be following.

We talk, I feel better, time passes, and I have a thought of "But what if" and then feel the need to talk again.

_-_ is a bit agitated that it keeps coming up for me, he thinks that if we talk it through that it will be done, and it should, but for some reason it's a pattern I am having the most horrible time breaking.

_-_ is spleen defined, which means he makes decisions in the moment, and goes with his gut..

…which is amazing because he is doing what his human design is.

I am emotionally defined, which means I take in information, and put it on my wave, and then after some time passes I know what decision to make.

I think the trouble we are having is that we are just butting heads.. lol.. he makes a decision, and I freak out because it hasn't been on my wave long enough.. he is on a mission to complete his soul path…

… as am I, we just seem to be mismatching pace.

The other night when you and _-_ were talking on the phone about you coming out here and he offered to pay half your fare, I had several different thoughts that ran through my head..

1. That was very generous of _-_ to offer..

2. What are his motives for offering?

3. What is _-_- wanting?

4. What are her motives for coming out here..

yesterday morning (I think it was) I sent _-_ an email asking if he might ask you to wait till July/Aug to come visit (Emotional wave = time getting used to the relationship)

Last night we had our most intense conversation to date..

We hashed out some really grinding stuff..

This morning I was thinking, and by the way, thank you for staying with this novel!!!!

I have no right, NO RIGHT, to ask you to wait. NONE, NOPE, NATTA, YOU are a sentient being yourself.

I want to get to know you better, and wish, on some level, I had met you through different circumstances, because I feel like all this trouble I am having is my own fault, density, because of the circumstances I was introduced to you.

I AM OPEN to a relationship with the 3 of us, Myself, You, and _-_.

I do not know what that will look like, or when it will happen, but I AM OPEN

I love _-_ fiercely, but I am not his mother, or his wife… and it is not up to me AT ALL to say what he can or can't do, and I don't want to.

I too am a free spirit, we match there, and when things rush me it makes my being flare.

I RESPECT you, and ACKNOWLEDGE you, and APOLOGIZE, from my being to yours, for the drama, that I feel like I have imposed.

I DO NOT want to add to drama, there is enough of that in the world, and I am trying my BEST to get over/work through these feelings and emotions so I can STOP the drama.. it's ridiculous..

IN NO WAY AT ALL do I want this letter to change how you interact with _-_, you two have great chemistry, and a wonderful friendship/relationship… I do NOT want to interfere.

Totally serious.

I appreciate you so much, for the text you sent me last

night.. it really helped..

I hope I have not offended you, put you off, and instigate change in how you interact with us..

Please take this letter as me doing my very… very best grow and change and be open..

We can't grow unless we stretch.. and it is WONDERFUL, and TERRIFYING all at the same time.

Thank you for your patience with my growth _-_-, I love you so much!!

Love x a gazillion…

http://aneaglessight.blogspot.com/2013/01/living-multiple-realities-introduction.html