I won’t decorate this post with beautiful images or philosophical quotes.

What I have to say is too bald for such adornments.

I am a few days from stepping over the far boundary of a long marriage–almost twenty years long.

This process of divorce has been years in the making, as I suppose they all are.

I have worked this question in private and also the action which the emerging answers required.

In other words, I haven’t wanted to make a scene, and I still don’t.

But it has become my policy to be honest.

It wasn’t always.

I lived for many years hiding from my own questions and especially from the answers which I feared might present themselves if I looked too closely.

In case you wonder what is hiding in this thicket of words, I’ll just say it: I am getting a divorce.

To honor myself and my ex-wife and my children and you, I won’t spend a lot of time explaining things or telling stories in hopes everyone will be okay with this.

The fact is, many won’t.

Many will and some would love to choose sides and become allies of one person or the other.

But this isn’t about that and it never was.

If I were a less public person–someone (let’s say) who didn’t constantly share thoughts about life–then maybe I could get away with just letting this whole thing quietly take its course.

But the fact is, I do talk a lot about the honest journey and divorce is part of that for the majority of people, so it’s only fair that I tell the truth in this case, too.

I’m sitting here trying to decide which questions I should answer in advance.

I suppose the main one I had to answer for myself and the one many will ask is, “why?”.

“Why would you end a marriage after almost twenty years?

Was someone unfaithful or abusive or…what?”

Yes. Why?

I suppose the best way to answer this is to say that I have come to deeply honor the path of every person who journeys through this life.

I have come to honor my own and my ex-wife’s and yours. Completely.

There came a time when I could no longer deny the fact that our two paths were very different and to continue would be a pretense that this wasn’t true.

Our cultural story is that true love will always bring two people back together if they just try hard enough.

I no longer believe that.

I have come to see that we all cross each other’s lives for a season–whether that is for a momentary meeting in the line at Starbucks or for a marriage lasting until death-do-us-part.

If I honor the beginning, middle and end of each path-crossing, then I can fully celebrate the magnificent being who has chosen to be in my presence for a time.

So, in the end, a divorce is simply the most honest thing I can do.

With great love I release Jennifer from the contract we made as barely-more-than-children.

With great love I continue on in parenting my beautiful sons and daughter.

And with love I share this difficult honesty with you, too.

With all the love in my heart, I honor each of our paths in this life: yours, mine, ours. END

Samuel says, "Jacob and I grew… in the same “church world” Bible Missionary Church… and when I knew he was returning to Treasure Valley I was so excited to reconnect and participate in each other’s lives.

In July 2010… on our 35^th wedding anniversary I told my ex-wife that I had filed for divorce.

My life was crazy… and I began a journey of detoxifying my body… soul… and emotions… over a lifetime I had much soul work that had been left undone…

Through the kindness and professional care of Lawrence Smith, Tana Clark, Lula Brink, Susan Stockton and others… my body started to heal… my sleeping patterns began to change… and my will and desire to live became fully embodied.

My divorce was final February 22, 2011… only after my “soon to be ex-“ required a “grounds for divorce” clause to be inserted. It reads… “granted a divorce from each other on the grounds of willful desertion by Samuel.”

Victim mentality is weird… and I have come to understand that “Victim/Victimizer” is the same vibration… I played in that pond… I co-created that with her too.

Hannah, an employee and soul mate was present and observed most of this transition… Like Jacob… “This process of divorce has been years in the making”.

When a professional friend ask… if I was leaving the marriage because of someone else… I replied honestly and faithfully… NO!

Jacob… thank you for growing… changing… and modeling… honesty and integrity… I applaud your story.

I have offered an engagement ring… Hannah was thrilled… when it was obvious that she was not getting married anytime soon… she decided to give the engagement ring back… feeling it as “weighty” something that constrained or restricted her soul path.

Stunned… shocked… and surprised… we got really good at “being uncomfortable together”…