Only people who know how to give are non-possessive

"Only people who know how to give are non-possessive.

Remember it.

People who know only how to get are bound to be possessive because, who knows?

We become mature physically… psychologically we remain immature.

So on the surface we pretend that we are grown-up, and nobody is a grown-up.

This is one of the basic problems… that everybody is showing that he is a grown-up and nobody is a grown-up.

So it is only a veneer, just a facade, skin-deep.

Scratch a little bit more and the child is there and the tantrum.

The child wants to possess and dominate and is always afraid that somebody else may take his woman, may' take her man… then what?

And you are needy, you are hungry.

So you have to be absolutely certain that your woman never talks with anybody, never laughs with anybody, never loves anybody.

You create a prison around her… a very subtle prison… and you are constantly on the watch.

Now how can love happen in such circumstances?

You are watching her, she is watching you, so both are against each other... afraid, insecure.

How can love arise in suspicion… in doubt?

Each is like a policeman to the other… every detail has to be known… what you have been doing, where you have been, with whom have you been, what you have talked about.

How is love possible?

Love is a fragile phenomenon.

It is not possible to grow in such a hard soil, and it never grows.

And because it never grows you are more hungry for it.

The more hungry you are, the more possessive you become.

You know only one way.

So you say that you love the woman, but that's only a saying.

If you come to know that she has been laughing with somebody else and has been happier than she ever is with you, you will kill her.

But you say you love her!

Your love can turn into hate any moment.

It is only love on the surface… deep down it is hate.

Your so-called lovers all hate each other, but because they need, they go on pretending.

They are afraid… the woman may leave… then they will be lonely.

And that loneliness makes them afraid.

You will lose your identity… who you are… and what are you going to do then?

You will feel almost like a small child lost in the supermarket who cannot find the mother. 

Or you will be like a dog, lost in the parade ground and just rushing everywhere looking for the master and not knowing where to go.

Who will take him home?

Unless this needy love is dropped and a totally new love arises in you… love that knows how to give, love that enjoys giving… not the love of a child but the love of a mature person… you will remain possessive.

You will turn the other into a thing, you will reduce her to the thing, and when you reduce the other, the other reduces you.

The so-called love affairs are almost like enmity.

They are not love… no friendship, not at all.

Each is just trying to exploit the other.

It is a mutual arrangement of exploitation… 'I will exploit you, so I have to allow myself to be exploited by you.'

Love can be defined... they have in China a very ancient definition… it is… 'Scratching the other's back so that the other can scratch your back.'

That's all.

It is difficult to scratch one's own back, so somebody else scratches your back and in return you scratch her back… a mutual arrangement, but nothing of much value.

If you really want to drop possessiveness… and it has to be dropped… otherwise you will remain miserable… then you will have to understand that your child is there and that you have not grown psychologically.

That child has to be taken into full consciousness.

It functions through the unconscious… it has to be brought into awareness, into full light.

You have to see it and its ugliness.

In that absolute clarity you can say goodbye to the child.

It is your problem." ~ Osho