WASHINGTON D. C. – President Barack
Obama announced that extra-terrestrial aliens have been controlling the world’s
major governments since shortly after the end of World War II.
President Obama made the stunning
declaration at an unscheduled White House press conference early this morning.
“This has been going on since the
1950s,” President Obama told the crowd of stunned reporters, “They were
attracted to our planet in large numbers due to our discovery of atomic
fission, to our use of nuclear weapons.”
Obama described how the 1947 Roswell
incident involved a type of alien popularly known as The Greys, who were the
first to make themselves outwardly known.
“Today, practically every human
being on earth knows what a Grey alien looks like,” the President said with a
shrug,
“Once contact was established with
the Greys, President Truman made a deal with them, letting them build bases
here in exchange for technology.
After that, President Eisenhower met
with a group of aliens commonly known as the Nordics, who are similar enough to
terrestrial humans to move among us almost completely unnoticed.
They offered us a place in the
universal brotherhood of enlightenment if we were willing to disarm ourselves
of nuclear weapon.
Unfortunately, both we and the
Soviet Union, who were also facing this offer, decided to hold on to the
nukes.”
The President went on to explain
that, since then, a variety of alien groups have established secret programs to
work around the resistance by world governments to abandoning nuclear weapons
and the threat of multi-dimensional devastation they pose.
“Aliens have been around for a long
time, and not all of them travel by spaceship,” President Obama explained,
“They can manipulate time and space,
which are both important and strongly-interconnected properties of reality, but
not the only ones.
One result of that manipulation is
anti-gravity faster-than-light propulsion.
Another result is a form of control
over the kinds of trans-dimensional perception most commonly known as remote
viewing, telepathy, astral travel, bi-location, or any of a large number of
other names.”
Nodding to himself, the President
paused to take a long look at the apprehensive faces filling the silent room.
“The point is,” he continued,
“aliens have controlled our governments for the past sixty years and…”
At that point, President Obama
lifted his hand to cover what, at first, seemed to be a cough.
“Sorry, I just couldn’t help
myself,” the President said, wiping a tear out of the corner of his eye after
he’d finished laughing, “I’m just kidding about the aliens running our
government.
No, we human beings are responsible
for the terrible mess we’re in and we’re just going to have to get ourselves
out of it, all by ourselves.”
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